Tom Chaudoin
Discordian President Thomas Harold Chaudoin is a jack of all trades. A masterful thespian, talented comic artist, powerful wizard, and an expert in various martial arts. Truly it seems there's no medium Magus Chaudoin cannot conquer. His swordsmanship, learned from an ancient Buddhist monk residing on the outskirts of Atlanta, GA, is first rate, and Tom’s tutorial videos, benevolently shared for free via Facebook, are an indispensable resource for budding young swordsmen, and seasoned vets alike. Chaudoin’s name (Meaning "He Who Lives In the Shadows") is known throughout all of the TOWNS, including the movers and shakers of Atlanta’s nightlife. However, brolads, and other permutations of waspbros, woodolts, etc, shudder at the mere mention of his righteous epithet. A fierce defender of the downtrodden (namely women) Chaudoin is a vigilant social activist, feminist, and spiritual warrior fighting in the name of Mother Discordia. Tom Chaudoin is credited for saving Discordianism from obscurity in the early 90’s, during which time he was close personal friends with the religion’s cofounder, Kerry Thornley. Later Thornley would see financial hardship, though Tom nobley afforded the forgotten counter-culture figurehead such things as warm meals, nights on his couch, and spending money, generally used by Thornley to purchase hard liquor or intoxicating inhalants. At the time of Thornley’s saddening death in the Fall of 1998, the poet bestowed upon Tom Chaudoin the official title of President Of Discordianism, which gave Tom complete authority over the religion, and a single solitary mission: To keep Discordianism a creed based in feminist ideology, and to vehemently revoke anyone’s Pope status if further pressed on this issue. It is decidedly not up for debate. Little Five Points (L5P) Thornley and Tom’s deep friendship began here, a quirky alt-friendly hub in Atlanta Georgia called Little Five Points. From 1990 to 1992 it had become unsafe for women and progressives to venture out alone as the location was overrun with roaming groups of skinheads and Crips. During this time Tom would likewise serve as a bodyguard to Thornley, who could often be spotted at the age of 52 wearing nothing more than a pink tutu and a party hat while espousing anti-American sympathies on the street corners of L5P. On the night of February 12th, 1993, Thomas Harold Chaudoin decided enough was enough. After watching Death Wish, and Bruce Lee's 'Enter The Dragon' back to back, our beloved president headed out onto the dangerous streets ready to once and for all put an end to these violent criminal organizations and reclaim the area for those he loved. Chaudoin single-handedly defeated every Neo Nazi and Crip member in hand-to-hand combat within’ a five mile perimeter around Little Five Points. He HURT. THOSE. BOYS. To this day, tales of this incredible feat are still mentioned in the now beautifully gentrified locale. The Power Chaudoin Tom is a wizard of the highest order, having obtained the ability to levitate, and communicate telepathically with animals over the course of his lifelong experiences in the occult. Tom frequently combines his sorcery skills with those of his swordsmanship and hand-to-hand combat, making him a more than formidable opponent, even for Omega Level threats to Discordianism, feminism, or anything that seems remotely fascist, a term Tom broadly uses to denounce anyone or anything he's not particularly fond of. Tom Chaudoin Trading Cards Being the beloved figurehead he is, Tom has some interesting paraphernalia created and enjoyed by his fans. A prime example of such Chaudoin swag is the Tom Chaudoin Trading Cards, released by CHAUD! Corp. (''Disclaimer: CHAUD! Corp have no official affiliation with Tom Chaudoin.) which can be purchased at disreputable retailers all throughout the south. ... Or download and enjoy the entire series by clicking here, courtesy of the creator! The Yacht Club Tom Chaudoin can generally be found at Atlanta’s '''Yacht Club', rubbing shoulders with other Yacht Owners, and challenging people on the internet to death matches in the Yacht Club’s underground arena where they frequently host illegal fights, some resulting in the death of one or more participants. Family Life Tom was tragically widowed and has never remarried. Living the bachelor life, Chaudoin became legendary for his skillful making out abilities. Tough, cool chicks lined up to buy him shots, hoping to get THEIR shot at a spot on the much desired icon’s arm! He eventually fathered a son, “TJ Chaudoin” and an illegitimate daughter, Alyssa Lamb. Lamb, a tough, cool chick herself, and Chaudoin, were estranged until 2017 when they reunited and formed a close, unshakable bond that they have both publicly stated is invaluable and definitely NOT incestious what-so-ever. Tom Chaudoin's father is the SubGenii Goebbels himself, Guy Deuel (GGG). Rule Over Discordianism Because of Tom’s position as President of Discordianism, as well as his once-in-a-lifetime friendship with Kerry Thornley, Tom Chaudoin--''and Tom Chaudoin alone--''is able to definitively state what is, and is not Discordian. In Tom’s own words, “Discordianism is an egalitarian retort to the fascist authoritarianism of thelema. It was deliberately crafted by the founders to be such. Which is apparent in their writings and god (expletive) it Kerry Thornley made a video in 1992 completely verifying what I’m saying.” Tom Memes The OFFICIAL SubGenius wiki’s servers would likely crash if one were to upload all the original content created by Tom’s rabid fanbase, so instead we will share a select few of these delightful pieces for you to peruse and enjoy in gallery form. (Under construction...) Principia Discordia Rewriting The President Chaudoin Edition Of The Principia Discordia are currently sold out, but when they were released in the late 90’s, shortly after Thornley’s death, copies sold for upwards of $200.00 each. Once in a blue moon a copy can be obtained via Ebay but expect to pay roughly one grand for a book that might not even be in very good condition. Discordian historians are currently working to restore and present these sacred texts to the woo-dolt public for a small fee of $99.99 (digital copy only) at some point in the near future. Category:Pope